Intro |
2000 |
2001 |
2002 |
2003-06
Novel
Diary — 2000
16
October, 2000 — first day
It begins with this idea. But it’s all for me, not the
"Marketplace." A guidepost, a way of setting up the key
nuance to explore. It begins with this, and my idea of the
ending, one which will be abandoned at some point, I know,
but a concept of conclusion that will serve as a direction,
or a feeling of direction, or better still — a direction of
feeling. The IDEA:
Each sin holds the possibility of redemption. But if you do
not know the exact nature of your crime, perfect redemption
is impossible. For this reason the conscious mind
continually revisits its crime and tries to detect an
escape from the past horror in a precise reconstruction of
events. But we know that memory is far from perfect. In
fact, as the mind seeks evidence of hope, its first ally is
imperfect memory. When imperfect memory is embraced by
belief, then a redemption — of sorts — is achieved. But all
that is eroded by doubt, the stubborn pessimism of
perception that fires the engines of worry and nagging
remorse. If you are a moral person, someone of conscience
whose crime was committed in a lapse, then this war between
hope and doubt becomes an obsessive fixation. A hell of its
own making. Private, discrete, inescapable.
Paul Wakefield knew all of this. Intellectually, at least.
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17
October, 2000
I like this image: The moments slipped from his mind like
drops of water spilling over a chasm. It invokes the title
right away. Then there’s this: A down payment on the long
mortgage of redemption. It makes me realize that Paul
Wakefield’s recovery has already begun, simply from the
fact that he knows it must begin. But can he find
redemption alone, in private? Is there a public component
to redemption? Can the mystics find this on their own?
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7
November, 2000 — Layoff after trip to Ottawa and Montreal.
Trying to catch the early, bare threads of the opening is
very tricky. I’m only sure of the first sentence and the
last image. Everything is tentative. Then I re-shape these
few paragraphs to convey nothing more than a character
trapped in doubt and anxiety. An acceptable start.
To the trash:
If there could be redemption. Wasn’t that saved for moral
sins? What if his crime was not a sin, but a mistake — an
error of judgment committed at a time of crisis? In that
case, any lawyer would argue that he was simply not guilty.
There’d be no need for redemption. His good name would be
restored. (Right; on page 24 in the Lifestyles section.)
But even if he were freed he would certainly move to
another town, simply to avoid the continuing requirement to
explain his innocence to old acquaintances. And if he is
found guilty, and if he survives prison and were released,
then he would move to another part of the country. Take
another name. Take another number. Join another queue.
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November
8, 2000
Section 2 runs more freely than the “stickiness” of 1. How
hard it is to start and truly believe you have the
beginning that will properly launch the entire book. I know
from past books that all this may change. So the key is
simply to start at a point you suspect will offer enough
tension to compel the reader to turn the page and so
develop the momentum needed to complete the narrative.
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10
November, 2000
a good day: 1 hour straight writing. It will take a while
to build my old stamina. But here the narrative is getting
stronger. Characters, story line are emerging. Some tension
is surfacing behind the opening 3 paragraphs that provide
the foreshadowing.
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21
November, 2000
A good day of writing after several days delay and a few
with only a dozen words productivity. I have to rediscover
the discipline of writing after such a long break from
writing novels. It helps that the sense of the story is
here. The characters are growing in mind, too. With faith
and the discipline this can work out well.
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24
November, 2000
1.5 hours writing Pauls’ scene speaking with his wife and
son on the cell phone. This fleshes him out. Writing is
getting more effortless. The discipline easier as the story
begins to lift off. The next scenes will take him into the
waters and the accident with jenny. It will need some
clever, detailed, in the-moment writing. The critical
incident that shapes the book will be launched and the
first chapter comes to a close. Everything flows from this
alone.
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25
November, 2000
Saturday, home alone – another scene done; now out the to
islets and disaster…. The story is beginning to possess me
– a good sign – and all the petty troubles of people and
daily chores begin to disappear as the appearance of the
novel begins to emerge in my consciousness. That’s what
it’s all about; the marriage of text and consciousness.
From this bond sometimes a healthy child can emerge. We’ll
see. I must take care to nurture it regularly and keep some
faith in its lineage. This is what a life is for. You reach
out to make something within you whole and alive. It does
not matter how long it will survive. You just produce it
and let it find a life of its own, just as real children
must do.
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27
November, 2000
Election day; voted my conscience (a throw-away) and came
home to write for one hour on the sea lion scene. Very
similar to my own experience with our own kayak trip,
except our teenagers were very cautious and behaved well.
Next day will work up the end of this scene in prep for the
accident.
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15
December, 2000
A long stretch without commentary; yet I have been working.
Just finished the last line of Ch. 1’s 1st
draft: “It
whispers something locked deep within the ocean’s heart, a
message that soon drifts into the cold silence.” It feels
like the right conclusion here. Mystery, the unknown still
to sort out in the chapters ahead. Next will be Reg’s
visit, then the trip with Val to Reg & Fran’s, the
lawyer, the inquiry….
Starting today I have 3 weeks off during Christmas.
Hopefully there will be time to write each day with some
exceptions for festivities. We’ll see.
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27
December, 2000
First day writing since a 4 day layoff. I was worried at
first, especially since I completed a 7-day writing sprint
that took me through most of chapter 2. But after reviewing
what I’d done, I easily started in on the scene in Paul and
Valerie’s bed. I was pleased by their tenderness and the
bond with Eliot.
“a possibility that his exhaustion and her anger can be
dismissed for a moment at least, or even transformed from
exhaustion into depletion, and from anger into pity” this
combined with “If the three of them could bind their flesh
and minds together, to make a fortress of their muscle and
will, then maybe they would have some safety, the
protection of their own being.” – it shows their strength,
which they will need, for what lies ahead.
Next we go to Paul’s insomnia and that will wrap up ch. 2.
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Intro |
2000 |
2001 |
2002 |
2003-06